Stan and I had always, but always, wanted to go to Morocco and finally we made all the arrangements. It was going to be expensive but Lordy, Lordy, we were so excited. I wanted to taste the exotic tagines, buy lots of colorful pottery bowls, walk through the souks and be followed by dark, swarthy Moroccan men calling me “gazelle”, although Stan wasn’t too keen on that part. But one day last week, I lost my job on the manufacturing line at the swizzle stick company. About 30 of us were made redundant and now our plans for going to Morocco are devastated. My boss was a smug asshole so that was no great loss, but financially we’re done for. What can I do, now that life has handed me lemons? This sucks.
Yours sincerely, Gloria.
It sounds as though you were well rid of your employer. I know where I’d like to shove a swizzle stick. Did you know that when an embryo is growing inside the womb, the anus is formed first? Guess he never developed any further. Anyhow, when life hands me crap, I turn to my preserved lemons recipe (see below). They go well with tagines, by the way, but maybe that’s rubbing salt into the wound of your lost job and dissolving dream of visiting Morocco. Never mind, Gloria, at least you’ll be able to show the lemons who’s the boss! I’ll add a picture of Morocco which you can print out and pin to the wall in your dining room, so when you serve up the preserves with KFC or whatever you eat in your part of town, you’ll feel as if you’re far far away. You could always ask Stan to whisper “gazelle” in your ear and chase you around the dining table. That won’t suck, will it? Enjoy! Or buy really cheap plane tickets and get on the damn plane. I have a gut feeling that somewhere in Morocco there’s a swizzle stick factory with job vacancies.
Graciously yours, Sally.
SALLY’S PRESERVED LEMONS RECIPE:
- Wash 8 lemons, then gently grate some of the excess skin off
- Put in large bowl and cover with water for 24 hours, then change the water and leave for another day
- On the third day, pour off the water
- Cut off stem top and bottom of each lemon, slice into four from the top to halfway down
- Fill the centre of the lemons with rock salt (no more than a heaped teaspoon each)
- Fit them carefully into a large sterilized jar
- Add 2 cinnamon sticks, 6 crushed cardamom pods and 2 bay leaves
- Add boiling water slowly to cover all the lemons
- Seal the jar and keep in a cool dark place for 40 days
- A preserved lemons recipe will turn the sour taste of your predicament into a tasty side dish or spice up fish, chicken and lamb.